So to preface this post, I want to say that I am joining Kara Tippets from Mundane Faithfulness in her Tuesday Grace Letters link party. (And if you don’t already read her blog, you need to start. We all have so much to learn from her story and her heart for God.) Her first assignment for us is to write a letter of grace to ourselves 10 years from now. So if you couldn’t tell already, this is definitely going to be a more serious post. Thinking about writing this post, I have mostly questions. I’m not entirely sure where to begin, but here goes…
Dear Future Christy,
So where are we now anyways? I think that is the biggest question I have for you (me?). I can’t even begin to imagine where God has taken us in 10 years time. This is where I am now:
Toddler tantrums and blackberry covered faces.
So where are we now? Where do we live? Do I have more kids? I sure hope so… I love this little booger, but man can she drive me nuts. Everyone seems to say that the hardest years are now. And in this moment, they are hard. This life can be so overwhelming, and yet wonderful. I wouldn’t skip this for anything.
But have I learned to give myself grace yet? Grace to be a mom and a wife without fear? If I’m honest, right now I don’t do that well. I fear failure. Failure as a mom, and especially as a wife. I have seen so many marriages fail. Fail because they “fell out of love”. And I fear this. I fear not keeping the marriage our priority, and God our first focus. Jd and I have said for a long time that if you focus on God first, and your marriage second, the kids will naturally be blessed by a trickle-down philosophy. I hope that that has remained true.
I think that is what I want most for you, future me. That you don’t let the sports and the school and the day-to-day-mundane bog you down and forget to keep your focus on Christ. I hope that the day-to-day hasn’t over-run your marriage and romance. Do you still remember these times?
When all we cared about was being able to sit down at our wedding, by ourselves, to grab a quick bite to eat before mingling? And a little ways down the road life got a bit more complicated. Graduating and moving across the country with nowhere to live and not a lot of money. But God provided for us.
That is one thing I am still trying to learn. How much God cares for our little family and provides for us at every turn. Right now, that is hard to remember. We are in the midst of so much uncertainty today. In two weeks, we don’t know where we will be living, or where the money will come from to feed our family. Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic with that statement, but that is definitely all I can see and that’s only looking two weeks in the future. Do you see why I can’t imagine where I am 10 YEARS from now?? I can’t imagine two weeks. One month. I have no idea where God is taking us.
But I need to rest. Rest in Him. And remember most importantly that HE is in control.
“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying ‘What will we eat’ or ‘What will we drink’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows, that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.“ - Matthew 6: 25-34 (emphasis mine)
I know that God is trying to teach me this right now. To rest in Him. I pray this lesson is not forgotten, it has been hard learned.
What about this?
When we met our daughter? And Jd held Eden for the first time? God blessed us with this precious daughter to love. She would be 11 years old now! That is so crazy to think about. I hope and pray that she loves God. I have prayed for her since before she was born that she would understand the love that God has for her. I hope she knows that. I hope all of my children know that. The children I have not met yet; but you, future me, you have. You have seen their faces and watched them grow.
Is it sad that pregnancy still scares me? The fear of loss. Once again, not resting in Him. Not resting in He who’s “eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” (Ps. 139:16) I hope God has blessed you with more children. And what of adoption? Adoption has been such an amazing part of my life, and I dream of one day adopting a little child who needs a forever home. Has that happened yet? Or maybe you are in the midst of an adoption journey?
See? All these questions. I have so many questions, future me.
But I hope you have found grace. I hope you give yourself grace daily. Grace to live in freedom and without doubts and fears. That you are resting in the Lord and in His love for you. I hope you are seeking to understand “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” – 2 Cor. 12:9
P.S. Have you figured out a laundry system that works yet? If not, well this letter is supposed to be about grace, right? But maybe find someone who can help you out with that one…
P.P.S. Did the beach house ever happen? Does Jd own a company? Or should I be asking how many companies?
P.P.P.S. Do you have an annual Masquerade Ball? If not, you should revisit that idea, its solid.